my LogiC

sometimes it feels like a curse, to be born the Questioning one. it seems it would be so much easier to have no ideas at all. No question. to mindlessly follow. but id rather be ostracized from a machine i dont belong to, than to throw away the most bright and special part of me.

 i am not a part, i am a flower. 

i dont belong in a machine. 

i would rather wilt, than rust. 

flowers now seen as primitive and useless 

useless unless working 

but flowers do work   in a different way when you see them. look. stop working and look 

i want when you look at me, to stop and think. Stop looking, Stop working, Think. 

thats much more valuable than giving in,

to their blood money.  They will not capture my soul. 

why are we fighting to survive? 

Why are we fighting for our rights? as Earths children it is our right  to grow here

venting about THAT STUFF

 my therapist Says its not my job to fix people.. But i cant help shake this feeling that its my mission. 

I know i cant beat myself up over them being stubborn.. But i cant give up. I WAS planted in this broken family To save them. To show them how to have empathy.   I need to save my mom. who else is going to save my mom?  But it feels too big to do by myself.  Dads issues are really deep. Im starting to wonder if hes too far gone. This is my delemma… 

I want to confront my dad completely , and stick up for mom. I want to hold my ground when he tries to say Im crazy. When he tries to say he never hit her. 

But i also. dont want mess everything up. Dad is getting really old. Things are definitely Weird right now, But their as normal as theyll ever be. If i confront him on this, things will never be okay again.  I want things to just be okay. 

But things really arent okay. it might seem like it for him. but not okay for me. I wrote him that letter hoping he would relize how hes wrong. How he hurt us. But it didnt work. I dont know what will work. Should i get into witchcraft? To hack his brain? Is that the only way? to heal a narcissist? I just need him to feel empathy. Once. I just need him to be sorry. and relize hows hes hurt us. 

Why cant he see how hes hurt us. Its so obvious, even people who arent in our family can tell. My mom is so young. Hes so old. Im so young. I have mental issues. Hes egotistical and only cares about how he looks to other people. It all makes sense. thats why hes so ashamed of me. He knows how it looks. He knows im the dead giveaway. 

For him to lie to my face. Lie to my face. About what i saw. What i heard. He so causally does this. On even the small things. He will change the past. And try to change my memories. i just cant handle it anymore. 

Does he even know that hes doing that? maybe he truly does believe the lies hes given himself. Hes been telling this fake story so many years he thinks its the truth.  But i was there. and i saw it. They saw the bruises. I heard the screaming. 

But he told me that was a dream. and im crazy. And moms even more crazy for thinking that happened to her. 

He is the most crazy. for thinking he can hide. from God. 

You cant hide from god. You cant hide from yourself. In the end. you will have to face yourself. Youll have to face all the pain you put us through. Forever 

But i Dont want it to come to this. Which is why i want to help him. before then. But im afraid its impossible. 

Dreams i had on 2/22/25

 i dreamed 👁that i was at the big house in the rightside  parlor room, and i looked up at the ceiling to see a breathing pulsing cluster of orange/red eggs,፨ covered in slime growing out of a light fixture where a light once had had been. I told mom and she ignored it, so i forgot about it for some time. 🕐Until the throbbing loud and noticeable squirming of these squishy wet growths became undeniable. and i looked up at them again just before they all began to “hatch”, a huge explosion ❉of bursting red organs sprayed the room and chunks of “meat”? splattering onto my head and face. ៚

Another part of the dream, i assume was also at the big house, where the moldy bathtub was full of a nauseating mix of brown chunky water, animal poop, dark green algae, and various broken objects from thruout the house. Micken was swimming in it, and i was trying to get her out, because her head kept going beneath the water, as it suddenly grew to the depth of a large aquarium rather than a bath.  Then it switched to an out of body perspective of watching myself drudge through the bath to rescue micken. 

Another dream part i had was walking into the front yard of this random house, with multiple people i did not know sitting on and around the porch. My dad was also in the front yard talking to someone, until this shirtless body builder guy showed up, and dad immediately started saying things like “People like you are disgusting you look hideous whats wrong with you” etc. etc. but in a very  snarky and “hey arent i funny” tone instead of his usual angry one. (trying to impress to other people there) Until the ripped guy kept walking closer and closer to him and dad physically began to shrink into a small person. I was trying to tell my dad to stop saying these things but he just kept getting smaller. Then dad wasnt there anymore, but eric was, 💝and we both started to dance to this heavy metal music that the porch people were playing.

🦀everybody was laughing and it was a good time. 

ive become a SLAVE

 soouu it was gunna happen one day..yes.. u know.. that day... when one is forced to participate inside thr corrupt system of greed. UI HAD TO GET A FREAKING JOB  😭😭😭 (இ﹏இ`｡)Sincerely, Before i got dis job, i waa thinkin , this is gonna be a PIECE OF KITTYCAKE!!!(*・ω・)ﾉ”┌iii┐♡ 🐾 buit then i felt the all consuming dread. of GOODWILL. FUCKING. GOODWILL. FUCK GOODWILL. FUCK THEM SO MUCH, FUCK THEM SO HARD IN T HEIR DISEASE RIDDEN ANUS TILL THEY ARE BED BOUND, BECAUSE THEY HAVE CAUSED GREAT DEAL OF SUFFERING TO THE AMERICAN PEIOPLES.     Its not a hard job no See thats not the issue, its the POINTLESS. UTTERLY FUCKING POINTLESS WORK I AM SACRIFICING MY MENTAL WELLBEING TO. i just cant ignore this feeling that i am NOT MEANT TO BE HERE. i am not meant to be DOING THESE POINTLESS TASKS. I am important. i have le important brain gene, Yeeee its kinda gone rare now, ever since le humans started UN-important-ifying their BRAINS, and being force 2 work at GOODWILL INCORPERATIONS/. and everyone i work with, and encounter as customers, are fucking ROBOTIC GANG STALKERS. NPC ARTIFICAL "UNINTELLIGANCE" BOTS.  

>be meep , tagging my 5367th shein temu tshirt of the day. 

>weird vibe , brain has been hacked by government, co-worker asks "How are you"

???? >i respond , "Miserable." 

>she respond, "Why?" 

>?"you never get existential working here? doing these pointless tasks everyday. Days become weeks become months become years. Slaving away. Why are we doing this?  

> coworker: "I don't get what you mean. I mean, sometimes i get tired of being on register for too long." 

Heres my TOTALLY WEIRD WACKY AND RADICAL thought process, WHY IN THE EVER LIVING FUCK ARE WE CONSTANTLY BEING FORCED TO WORK FOR GREEDY BILLIONAIRE.  (⊙⁠‿◎) billionaire not human 📷⍨⃝⍨

MONEY IS IMAGINARY PAPER, PRINT IT OUT , BITCH. PRINT IT ,. OUT. THE WORLD IS RUNNING ON GREEN GREED. imagine a world where we all did what made our hearts fulfilled and inner child happy, for a living? Or, helping out other people in the community. BUT COMMUNITY IS DEAD. CREATIVITY IS DEAD. BECAUSE WE NOTICED, THAT IT HELPS YOUR SOUL FLOURISH. and thats the LAST thing we want. is for your brain to ever grow and escape this prison weve built for you. YOU CANT THINK FOR YOURSELF!! OR ELSE YOULL LEAVE THIS SYSTEM. thats we created tiktok!!So you will NEVER have to make your own opinion ever again! and also made the natural gods medicine THE MOST ILLEGAL DISGUSTING DEGINERATE THING ON THE FUCKING PLANET because we DEFINITLY dont want you reaching enlightenment or healing, because then HOW THE FUCK WOULD WE MAKE OUR MONEY IF YOU DIDNT GO TO THERAPY ANYMORE? IF YOU DDINT BUY ALCOHOL ANYMORE? IF YOU DIDNT STAY QUIET AND STUPID AND KEEP WORKING?!? We cant have you breaking through to god, because you would know immediatley, that this is all bullshit.

WE NOTICED, HUMANS, THAT YOU REQUIRE FOOD AND WATER TO LIVE.      NOW, SINCE YOU LITERALLY, NEED THESE THINGS, TO LIVE, WE ARE GOING TO CHARGE YOU AND RAPE YOUR HOLES FOR PAPER, SO YOU CAN NEVER RELY ON ANYONE OTHER THAN US :) 

i want to spend my life making a difference in the world, and experiencing JOY and SPREADING IT, because humans DESERVE to be happy and free and CREATE,  i suppose thats my main problem, i feel utterly useless and anxious whenever im not working towards my goals, of making art. SO WHENEVR IM NOT DOING THAT I FEEEL SO MUCH ANXIETY LIKE IM WASTING AWAY MY LIFE DOING UNIMPORTANT MISERABLE THINGS AND ILL BE DEAD SOON AND I WILL HAVE ONLY EVER WORKED AT FUCKING GOODWILL.

It would be so much easier... if i was as ignorant and blissful as my dear coworker. goodwill slave 4 YEARS STRONG.  if only i didnt QUESTION everything. no one ever QUESTIONS. only me. WHY are other humans more important than me? why does anyone have authority over anyone? we are all humans born equal. and yet you went to some fucking million dollar {GREED. SCAM.  GREEEEEED. FAKE.} COLLEGE, and now, you are, a much more VALUABLE person on this earth than me. i dont CONTRIBUTE anything to this SOCIETY, (i.e, money.) so there for, i am. Useless. 

KITTYTOYPRINCESSPARTY!!!!

 

MEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

HERE COMES LIBRA TIME SOON. ヾ(￣(●●)￣)ノ

IM ANXIOUS FOR MY 19TH YEAR. ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽⊃─炎炎炎炎炎炎炎炎✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲BIRTHDAYS RE ANXIOUS.¯\_(☯෴☯)_/¯

i enjoyed stargazing at 4 AM with mi boyfriend. There was jupiter and mars and uranus. mars in taurus, MINEEEE NYAAAAAA amd i seen orion twinkling and my bf say 

its because stars have a heartbeat(☆▽☆)      ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊⋆⭒˚｡⋆*ੈ✩‧₊˚☆⋆｡

and when theres orion, close by theres LEPUS!!!!!!!!૮₍´｡ᵔ ꈊ ᵔ｡`₎ა

          Nihal starseed are very creative , open minded, souls. 

ITS difficult to incarnate here, but im relizing thjat is the point. So that i can grow,. and change.. and help change earth too.

GEMINI MOON IS FRUCKING INSAINITY LEVELS THRU THE ROOF

 YOU FUCKINGGUYS ARE NNOT GOUNNA FUCKING BELIEVE ME WHEN I FRUCKING TELL YU THIS SHITS,./..... IM OVERWHEKLEMD. WHERE DO I EVEN STARRT. OK SO. 

I COME ACROSS THIS WEBSITE,,FOR THIS COMIC,, CALLED "8eyes""" and HOLYYY,,CRUPPYCRAP.. ITS CONNECTING........ THE MIMZYVERSE......... A STORY ABOUT    BUNNY GIRLS.     WHO ARE BORN BY,  BEING RABBITS ON THE MOON, AND THEY FALL DOWN THE EARTH, ABND THEY HAVE A RABBIT GODDESSS MOTHER. (not 2 mention le artist SOfa birthday is 2 days before me))))

REWIND 2 LAST WEEK,, I GO ON MY ""RABBITHOLE" JOURNEYS AS ONE MIMZY DO, AND I COME ACROSS SSOMETHING REFERRED TO AS, 

"The Rabbit in the MOON" and "Chang'e the MOON goddess" and her "JADE rabbit".. and i start spiraling down the hole.. my childhood favorite cartoon my mom show me,, SAILOR MOON.. NAME MEANING... MOON RABBIT... SO I VENTURE DOWN... and it leads me towards a band called "RABBIT ON THE MOON>" who, coincenditally, MAKES SIMILAR MUSIC TO MEH. BUT ANYWAYS, their signed under the record label, "HALLUNCINATION RECORDS." L.S.D, My initals, THE MIMZYVERSE. COMMENCING. 

BUT THIS IS FAR FROM THE WILDEST PART, MY FRIENDS. FAR. ALMOST AS FAR AS THE MOON HERSELF,. AS I..... AM RELIZING,......... THAT IT ALL COMES BACK TO MY MOON. MY GEMINI MOON. MY MOON OF 222 DEGREES. WHICH HOLDS MY 19 DEGREE CONJUNCTION OF LEPUS STAR NIHAL. BUNNY FUCKING WORL;D.  

AND FUCKIBNG GET THIS. 

AS I AM WRITING THIS.... I JUST FOUND OUT.. THE MOON IS IN FUCKING GEMINIIIII TODAY@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

FUCKKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?????????????????????????? I NO LONGER FEEL ALONE, I FEEL A PRESENCE, OF A HIGHER POWER, LEADING ME TO THESE DISCOVERIES, AND IT LEADS ME SO CONFUSED, AND OVBERWHELMED, WITH NO WHERE TO PUT THIS VBEAUTIFUL SYNCRONCITIES BUT MY BLOG WHERE NO ONE SEES.. WHAT IS IT ALL FOR???? i supopose it wil all make sense and come together once i am old enough, once i am wiser, possibly descended.